Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Professional Villian for Hire

Yesterday I had a meeting with my boss.

Today I did a lot of thinking, and made a lot of realizations.

I operate on FACT. On the obvious. I don't care about the subterfuge, the bullshit, or the between-the-lines. Not in my professional life.

Business is business. Work is work. I don't care if you like me. I don't care if you think I should like you.

Bottom line?

You either do your work, and do it well. Or you don't.

And if you don't...and if by NOT you make my life harder - I WILL call you on it. I don't have time for bullshit. I don't have the patience for placation. I don't understand HOW to sugarcoat the TRUTH.

I've been working - literally collecting a paycheck - since I was eleven. Yes. Eleven. (No, it's not illegal. It is a whole OTHER blog tho.) I do not understand going to work to surf the internet for eight hours. I don't understand apathy about what you spend forty hours a week doing. I've tried to not care, and I cannot do it.

I am in a unique position for my employment. I act as a sort of liaison between my company and others. Others who are, in actuality, our competitors - though some don't necessarily know it. I have the unique responsibility of balancing getting what we want from them without giving away too much about our own processes and industry knowledge. I also have to find ways to make those that DO know we are competitors still want to do business with us - for free.

I piss a lot of people off to maintain those relationships. I'm not sorry for it. I've spent four years cultivating them. Some of them STILL don't trust me and make me jump through hoops. I shouldn't have to do the same for MY OWN company.

And yet... I do.

Because for so long I was assigned to the people who reported to our clients...who didn't want to have to tell those clients "no." I have had to fight for every single inch, every policy, every procedure, every day. I'm still fighting. STILL trying to balance the needs of my company with the reality of what our competitors will provide us with. STILL trying to explain why my company can't always get what they want.

And still being labled Queen of the GodDamn Harpies.

Fuck them.

They had a meeting with my boss specifically to talk about how I am unapproachable and "MEAN."



When I have done nothing but try for four years to help. To explain. To foster an environment of communication and coordination... COOPERATION.

because they aren't getting what they want...
because I am keeping track and proving that they aren't managing their resources...
because *I* do their job better than they do...
because *I* hold them accountable...

they waited until my best friend -their teammate- went on vacation to schedule and hold a meeting with my boss's boss.

When she wasn't there to defend me.

Without allowing me the opportunity to defend myself.

Without examples to backup their claims - in the name of HR "Anonymity."

Fuck them.

Fuck this company that would rather keep people who surf the web rather than call a client. Who don't want to know about those employees that aren't doing their job. Who don't want to deal with the paperwork and headache of dealing with the lazy...

I'm done.

Anyone know of a company looking for HONEST, HARD WORKING self-starters? I can document. I can delegate. I can communicate -as long as there is no bullshitting expected of me. I will not lie to a client in the name of a margin. I would rather fix the problem than apply band-aid after band-aid after band-aid. I am highly organized and overly-responsible. I will always put the company's interest first, and am open to correction and criticism. I am also young, childfree and healthy. I am a nonsmoker who would rather skip lunch nine days out of ten. I will let anyone who will listen know when I run out of work to do, and expect to be allowed to go home is no other work can be found for me. I will also stay to finish whatever is necessary, when it is necessary. I am dedicated and just want a company with integrity to give my loyalty to. I have a passion for processes. So if yours aren't working, let me know. I'd be happy to come tell you all about what is wrong with them... I won't even mind when you call me bad names for it - as long as I'm prepared for it ahead of time and paid appropriately for the abuse.

The same qualities that made me the TribeVillain make me perfect for you. I do not tolerate bullshit. I *WILL* call you on it. And I will not care if I am reviled by those whose flaws I showcase. Growth is painful - and apparently I'm a fucking sadist.

Hi, my name is Squish. And I'm your villain....for hire.


  1. I fucking hate the "politics" of corporate America.

    I have been overlooked for promotions over and over and over and over because of my inability to be a yes woman. Fuck them.

    I wish I knew people there that could help.

  2. Let me check around...

    you are so above this...

  3. Oooh! A secret blog!! I love it.

    PS-I love you!